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Just walking up to the unit gotta take call
I don’t know but today seems kinda off
No bleeding from the butt, no scut
And nurses threw a potluck with donuts
I got my notes done, but couldn’t log out
Tech support showed up and actually helped a Dogg out
No pages for Colace coming from the flo’
And Ortho took a patient on ECMO!
I caughta nap cause I got me the dope spot
And if I hit the switch, I can make the phone stop
Had to drop by tha’ med rounds
Sniffing in the air and not a single code brown
No c. diff on the gown
And all my patients agree that Dr. Oz is a clown
Rolled down ta ED and I’m askin’ yall
Which fools are y’all tryin’ ta pass along?
But no naked drunks twerkin’, had to check my pager twice just to see if it’s workin’
There was no ODs, no DTs, and everybody rates they pain in the 3’s
EMR went down nurse taking verbals, and no KUB showed a gerbil
Plus all cultures came back pan sensitive to Pen VK, today was a good day
Paged pharmacy with the query
Obscure med, still said it’s formulary
Cause just yesterday JCAHO tried to blast me
Saw the bounceback, but he rolled right past me
Keflexin’, wound clean and dry to a brother’s inspection, margins clear on frozen section
Hit employee health, and though I’m sprayed daily by TB
Still a neg PPD!
Send ‘em out, send em’ out, social work mission
Teaming with the PT and OT on disposition
Of bed 7, and bed 11, bed 27, case manager’s straight on a role
I picked up the cath flow
Hit the team room, cause I’m smellin’ Dominos
Plus that patient talkin’ smack at my nurses just left AMA, today was a good day
Billin’ tryin’ to get paid
Won’t stress the codes cause ICD-10’s delayed
It’s ironic, nobody’s illnesses are chronic
The lasix pee is supersonic
I felt on the big fat foley
Bag full o’ gold pee, urine clear as Stoli
Cause my foley runs deep, so deep,
RT had to crank the peep
Talked a psych patient off the ledge
Radiology actually gave an answer with no hedge
Even saw the likes of some intern wimps
And they said, “ZDogg can PIMP.”
Chemo’s goin’, but no throwin’ up
Half way home, and my pager ain’t blowin’ up
Today I didn’t even have to use my PA...I gotta say it was a good day.
- Genre
- parody