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Words by Eugenia about this sonic memory:
In this episode, I reflect a moment I had last summer, late August. I was sitting with a new friend, up on a raised wooden platform late at night, the second day of Waking Life. We had talked at length, having just begun to understand the ebbs and flows of each other’s minds. I told them that lately I had been holding onto moments of unresolved conflict, of goodbyes that felt rushed, or pains of others I was unable to heal. I was carrying the weight of these small, broken up moments which had accumulated over time.
A thick, dreamlike fog rolled in front of us, as we sat, holding each other tightly, It suddenly parted, revealing the outlines of graceful figures moving towards us in the distance. This vision coincided with a moment of precise clarity: I noticed my idealistic need for harmony in every moment; at the influx of this realization, I began to accept and lean into the dissonance that repeats itself, in spite of this desire. I tried to forgive myself for the lack of closure of past connections, the loose ends.
I realize I felt this because I deeply cared about each moment, and this is natural, human, and essential to who I am. The anxiety and subtle shards of pain I had been clutching in my chest for so long burst out of me, leaving me transparent, spacious, and light. I was filled with gratitude to have had the possibility to be heard, and seen, in this realization, by a person who I felt intrinsically understood me.
In this first transmission, I wished to guide listeners through a moment I experienced in which a long-existing emotional weight left me, feeling swept away by the space around me. Through this, the previously hazy details of my inner self came into my field of vision.
tracklist // Deepchord - Rooftop // Lawrence - Floating // Sonmi451 - Rienza // Conforce - Desolate Ground // Function - Ember (Field) // Kettel - Electrician and the Adventurer // Sa Pa - Epiphanic // Loscil - Black Tusk // Autechre - Brochusevenmx // Taylor Deupree - Thaw // Sigha - Light Swells (In a Distant Space) // Aleksi Perala - GBBVT1337122 // SND - 9 // Ciò D’Or - Ur // Sollman / Gurtler - Watte (efdemin version)
- Genre
- Ambient