published on
by @wiggle_iv, curated by @eeeeeeeugenia
Writing endlessly about the period that this mix represents, the first 4 or 5 months of 2019, or even the attempt to autobiographically collect and order my emotions and memories about the events leading up to it into a winding narrative text, would, I think ultimately prove useless. Nevertheless, couple of days ago, I started to make a list of the different emotions that I associate with the different moments expressed in this mix – loneliness, new love, euphoria, sadness, apathy, self-hate, childlike excitement, confidence, destitution, betrayal, utter confusion, hope – and realized pretty quickly that if I could identify 13 emotions that represent the experiences lived during this time period, I could just as easily choose 130 and still not come close to accurately representing the totality of my lived experience.
This progression of songs does accurately reflect the experiences, emotions, and moments that I lived in the order that they occurred, or at least how they exist in my memory. Yet their strength lies in a total, visceral statement which ultimately cannot be reliably broken down into individual, definable elements. The attempt to reduce and analyze specific moments referenced here would unduly divorce the associations from the context that defines them inside of me and dilute the power which they collectively exhibit, a swirling mass of feelings, memory scraps, and affective experiences that language is unable to force into submission. In conceptualizing and recording this mix, though, I was able to gain a better understanding of how my own personal processes of renewal and recontextualization have created and stored the individual meanings attached to each song I chose ... Honestly, emotions still confuse me.
I am honored for being trusted with the opportunity to share this personal narrative in its full capacity with you, a retrospective snapshot of the moment when I began to discern and value myself as an individual entity who deserves, who has the ability, to exist separately from the constructs of identity and the interpersonal relationships which had defined my environment up to that point.
Tracklist
Swans – Blind
Pink Industry – Don’t Let Go
MGMT – Little Dark Age
Autolux – Turnstile Blues
Aphex Twin – #15
Andy Stott – Science and Industry
The Bilinda Butchers – Secrets
Blood Orange – Champagne Coast
Lord Folter - Interlude
Triathalon – Slip’n
Daughters – Satan In The Wait
BAMBARA – Human Hair
Have A Nice Life – Unholy Life
Naomi Punk – The Buzz
Fugazi – Afterthought