Ep 74: Self-Sabotage: Why We Betray Ourselves and Destroy Our Relationships by Help Me Be Me published on 2016-03-15T06:08:40Z For those who can’t stop trying to convince themselves they’re bad with self-destructive actions. This one is for Nikki. Why do we destroy relationships with those who love us? Why do break our own trust, betray our own dreams, and rob ourselves of happiness and safety as soon as we get close to it. It’s a mystifying loop of behavior that has powerful effects on everything about our life: a chain reaction that keeps us hiding or running from the ugly truth of what we’ve done. Just like an addict, you live with a subconscious awareness that you will inevitably destroy whatever good you might have – and that anxiety is overwhelming and scary. Like a lurking future of pain awaits you just around the corner. Happiness is immediately blocked by the overwhelming sense of dread that it will soon be lost. And so you self-medicate the fear and cling more tightly to what you want so badly. When you do inevitably self-sabotage and act out in ways that betray your values and the values of your partner, the experience is laden with fear and the resulting shame is soul-crushing. Like you just woke up inside a nightmare. You have an almost separate self who is doing these things despite you. I want you to know there’s a simple reason behind your cycle of behavior that you must CHOOSE to learn. It’s not who you are, it’s a tactic that you learned to cope with unrelated pain and anxiety. There are three parts: the what, the why, the how. Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB Thanks! Genre Learning Comment by p-loves-2-listen Thanks - I've dug out my 'Screwed up' journal (which I'd forgot about) and will start using it about recent screw-ups 2024-01-12T21:39:00Z Comment by Erika Pedraza 2021 and this has helped me soooo much!! I can feel this is the first step i needed to hear to relieve myself. Thank you!! 2021-07-26T19:23:26Z Comment by Sam Bautista I told my favorite teacher she failed me in teaching me. My goal was to hurt her and for her to hate me 2021-05-15T03:54:12Z Comment by User 338962570 I have never felt like rhis before i was so lost and i finally feel like i understand myself 2021-03-17T23:07:31Z Comment by AntonioJavar ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ 2020-11-17T05:16:36Z Comment by Heather Litka Dickinson This makes so much sense. And, i have a lot of work that needs to be done. 2020-09-19T16:58:53Z Comment by Britanical Thank you, I really needed this. I've been spiraling and this has helped me feel grounded again. 2020-08-05T20:40:40Z Comment by cuibono Hello from year2020! Someone posted about this on instagram.now i'm here :) 2020-05-29T03:55:09Z Comment by Pseudonm09 Thank you so much. This has opened my eyes and spoken to my soul on so many levels. You have given me hope. Sending love and good vibes to you. 2020-02-20T04:54:46Z Comment by Kev Very helpful 2019-12-23T01:09:59Z Comment by Rachèle Pouliot Thank you! Thid helps alot! Im going to pause, and know how to take the action pill... thank you 2018-11-29T14:05:47Z Comment by Vlad I cannot express how much this episode helped and will help me in the near future. Thank You! 2017-12-07T23:56:56Z Comment by eLBee BaD THANK U, truly helps to understand some folks I know. I wish them to see I care, and to hear. (: 2016-05-02T08:43:47Z Comment by eLBee BaD THANK U, truly helps to understand some folks I know. 2016-05-02T08:32:42Z