published on
Most of what is said:
every single time this happens, it's like same shit, same bullshit different fucking person,
they say keep your friends close but your enemies closer, But sometimes that's not enough.
And every time I go through the same shit, I really don't know why I bother, you know maybe this is why I have so much anger so much rage, bad shit you know it just seems to happen over and over again, and no matter what at the time may seem like a good thing that's happening to me, I always know in the end it will turn out bad, so I wonder why I even bother, to put myself out there, when I know I'm just gonna get this anger again, And when it happens it's not easy to control, so not being able to sleep not being able to eat, and then I keep picturing over and over in my head again, how can I possibly kill this person, what can I do to make them suffer as much as they made me suffer, and then all that anger goes to everyone I care about and I don't want it to go like that.
But there's so much anger so much rage in my mind, it's really hard to just seperate it all, and to try and keep calm, every time I try, It always ends up back at the same thing, my mind repeats over and over again the situation that happened, and I can feel the rage inside of me the anger inside of me, and as much as I try to control it and I want to control it, repeatedly in my mind telling myself to calm down it never happens, because so badly I want this person dead.