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Run, Rivas, Run
https://soundcloud.com/nickrdavies
Jimmy stood upright, stomach sucked slightly concave, lips gently pursed as he admired his full length reflection in the hallway of the Woodlands Hotel. He had treated himself to a new, snug running jersey, matching shorts and trainers. He looked briefly left and right, checking he wasn't observed and adjusted the inner-liner elastic around his groin, which had snagged and ridden up into a pinching diagonal. He dipped into four deep squats, and then shadow boxed in the mirror, finishing a combination with a looping right hook, which overbalanced him slightly and tweaked his ankle. He adjusted the elastic again...front and back this time.
"More comfortable, Sir?"
Jimmy let out a yelp and reddened a little. He turned sharply to see a large, flamboyantly dressed older lady, in a pink and gold lamé shellsuit, a huge meringue of peroxide hair, scarlet-lipped and navy eye-shadowed.
"See ya out there Sonny" she said as she shimmered past and broke into a lumbering trot out of the main entrance and into the woods.
Jimmy set his stopwatch, retied his laces, screwed his earphones into his ears and set off. There was only one route into the woods. Jimmy intended quickly accelerating past Liberace's Mum and running hard in the pure woodland air. He powered through the first 300 yards and saw her vanishing around a bend in the road. She looked rather like an ice cream sundae from behind he though, then told himself not to be unkind and took the opportunity to break wind sharply whilst undetected.
As he leaned into the bend, travelling at impressive velocity, he looked up and she was gone.. he squinted into the distance and saw nothing..another bend maybe 200 yards away.. looked around..nothing.
He glanced at his watch..pulse was high, good pace. Settled into a steady rhythm..gouged again at his elastic. Time to appreciate the air, the pine scent, the peaceful, creaking, whispering trees. The hypnotic percussion of footstrike...Jeez..there she is! Shuffling and galumphing in the distance..how the..?
She disappeared around another bend. Jimmy's knees and elbows pumped higher and harder. Cut into the bend..relieved to see her, drew up alongside her, quietened his breathing a little, touched the peak of his hat as he passed
"Those shorts nipping, Sonny?"
Jimmy muttered to himself, irritated and a little embarrassed. He waited until she was out of sight, double checked and gave a savage yank at the elastic, both hands, at the front.
The next couple of miles were uneventful, save for the frequent need for adjustment and the cumulative effect of the sawing elastic against tender intimates. The last quarter mile and Jimmy discovered that slight bowleggedness gave some relief. A sign for the Hotel..the facade comes into view, then..she's there! Same four-inch lollop, turkey-winged elbows.. How? Impossible! A final, orchid-rasping sprint but he couldn't catch her.
Wheezing like a quarry cat, Jimmy went to the Reception Desk for his room key. The kindly gent, rosy-cheeked and twinkly eyed..like a shaved Santa..
"Nice run Sir?"
Jimmy nodded, too out of puff to answer
"Been out with the triplets, eh?"
Jimmy looked at him, bemused. He was looking into the bar room
Three identical versions each held up a cocktail glass and winked in unison.
Jimmy touched the peak of his hat, and could only smile
He looked back at the Receptionist
"Forgive me Sir, but I think you may have put your shorts on back to front"
Jimmy felt behind him and touched a drawstring.
"Will Sir require some talcum powder?"
Jimmy nodded minutely and took the elevator..the stairs, he was certain, would have drawn blood
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