published on
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please, please everybody settle down, settle down. I see so many beautiful faces out there and I need you all to gather around. Tune in to the sound. Because what I'm about to talk about today is called living in my truth. All of the complex things that go into making me a man I would like to describe to you. But for you to actually grasp all of the things that I have masked we'll have to start at my youth. See my mother, was another, beautiful black teenager. Giving birth to little baby Jerome not yet filled with anger. See I didn’t know my grandmother was a drug addict. I had no notion of the cycle Cshyronia was trapped in. And although I was not always gifted with luxuries and vacations on weekends, she made sure I had what I was needed, even though she was being beatin by man, no, stain after stain. Creating demons so deep in my brain even I not dare call them by they first name. But that was just the beginning of my pain. See I remember that one neighbor. A grown man but to this day still a stranger to my mom. Because if she ever found out what was going on, then he would be gone. At least that’s what he said to me. This was our little secret and I must keep, my mouth shut. So I did. I buried it down so low. I allowed it to fester and grow inside. Trying so hard to convince myself it was all a lie and none of it ever even happened. Maybe that’s why my teens were filled with aggression. Or maybe it was the depression that crippled my mother to her bed. Except of course when she had to go to work. See that was my time to lurk. To roam the streets for anything that could set me free from this fucked up dream we call reality. And I may not have popped xans, but you can bet on your right hand that a good hit of weed took me to the promise land. Until it wasn’t enough. So I turned to other stuff, just to make this life a little less rough. See I found that LSD and cocaine was the perfect combination. And I am ashamed to say it took my pain so high into elevation, I actually believed it would never come down. Boy was I wrong and no words in any song could describe the joy I felt when I discovered that meth, lasts for a very long, long time. I was able to spend less and still destroy my mind. But wait let me explain. See I had no shortage of people trying to tame the rage within. Youth centers, foster homes, and even rehab couldn’t find where to begin, and then… I became a number. 3136421. And surprisingly enough, that’s when my rebirth had begun. See I realized it is not fun to be so high I can not eat. It is not fun to treat women like anything less than a queen because I am a king and we are all spiritual royalty. And there is so much more in store for me if I could just be patient. But fuck that! I'm tired of waitin. I will no longer feel forsaken. But I mean shit, without a plan you know, shit kinda hit the fan. And I hopped right back on the ban-wagon. Only this time, I wasn’t gonna do it broke. And we all know that that’s one ugly road. See I trapped my soul in a box made of jewels and cracked brews and tattoos. Singing the same old tune, sealed with lust glue. And if I must admit, its still hard to call myself a man. Cause after one drunk night, I still can not stand to look Carly in the eye. My actions were horrible and forgiveness, not explorable. If you ask me, I deserve hell. But that’s the funny thing about life. Even when you do no right she will give you all the tools to excel. And now, well, just 2 years later and I'm living in Portugal. And in this moment I am open to loving myself. I no longer keep my emotions on the shelf. I no longer block the pain that I have felt. See I am ready to offer my blessing to the world and whether or not it is accepting of my beauty… I will continue to live in my truth.
Production credits: Chvpo
- Genre
- Hip-hop & Rap