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난 말했잖아 하나 되자 제발 자제하지 말고 씻어
불안함은 저 비닐에 넣어버려
아니 먹여서 증명하지 엄마가 말했던 전부가 막상 하면 좆도 아닌 걸
맞아 좆도 아니야
살기 위해 배웠다곤 하지만 애초에 살 정도 되는 걸 부정하지
그리곤 그걸 내 탓하는 널 구경하고 작아지지
아니 씨발 일단 잠깐 걍 저기 빛나는 불빛만 꺼봐
거봐 지금은 오백 원에 삼각김밥 먹던 시절이 아냐
근데 말이야 오만가지 생각나더라 과거는 어쩔 수 없는가
미련에 한숨 쉬고 잠을 청하지만 환멸감이 오는 건 피할 순 없는가
사창가를 권했던 친구를 따라가서 따먹는 게 옳았던 삶이었던가
어딘가 나사 빠진 삶을 인정해서 나자빠지고 멈출 텐가 차라리
분출하는 게 낫다고 하는 의사 선생 믿어야 받아들일 수 있을까
음악이 치유해 줄 수 있다고 하며 자유를 믿어야 할까나
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