skeletons we found under the snow plow

update for context, 01.11.25: "skeletons we found under the snow plow" (title courtesy of @miasolace) is a project i am not particularly happy with or fond of. i quickly scraped it together with largely unfinished vault songs during the worst drug-fueled manic episode of my life in the bitter winter of 2022, which explains the unpolished, raw, and scatterbrained nature of the “album.” i wasn’t sleeping or eating. i was taking near-deadly amounts of various uppers and downers, at the peak of my ongoing battle with addiction. i was in denial of my identity as a trans person & felt entirely trapped in my body. i was actively trying to ruin my life as i knew it (i did a bit too good of a job at that) because i was so completely done with my life as it was. this indirect form of suicide nearly killed me (quite literally) and it’s somewhat of a miracle i even made it out of that alive.

i had been obsessing about near-insignificant details in songs and projects to the extent that i was not releasing music for an extended period of time or creating nearly as much as i wanted to. it was driving me fucking insane. when the depressive episode melted away and this chaotic mania was in full effect, it was a huge release to not be concerned with meticulousness. so, in my state of mental ruin, i attempted to throw together an album with vault songs (many of which reminded me of trauma and suffering i was working through, largely chosen because they hurt to listen to,) forgoing further post-production in favor of “rawness.” it was cathartic for me then; it felt like my OCD was finally diminishing, like i had this brilliant project just rotting in my vault that simply needed to be arranged. i was beginning to feel happy, regardless of how artificial that happiness actually was. it was therapeutic for me at the time, and i believe this needed to happen for me to grow as an artist and human being; but in retrospect, this process did not lead to a particularly good end result. it sounds unfinished, messy, harsh, and somewhat unfocused. i regularly feel embarrassed by its existence in the state that it is in. i think there are some great individual tracks here, but i am very unsatisfied with it overall. it is hardly an album, rather, a mixtape of scattered vault songs varying in quality and polish. it is a fucking mess, and i think it functions better as a time-capsule of my mental state than anything. it is more a wildly imperfect piece of depressive art than quality music, if that makes sense.

even considering all the disdain i have for this project, i have a weird sense of love and appreciation for it anyway.

i am doing much better now. i’m medicated with successful mood stabilizers and estrogen, mostly sober, and taking much better care of myself. this project came from what was arguably the darkest period of my life. it is what it is, but know that i do not feel as though it properly represents me as an artist. please keep all of this in mind if you decide to listen through.

thank you.

love,
Evergreen

produced by @giveuppulp & @candy-cigarettes
vocals by @giveuppulp & @miasolace
written & recorded by @giveuppulp & @miasolace
arranged, mixed, & "mastered" by @giveuppulp
via @giveupstillhere LLC